I stopped in WalMart today, looking for a pair of cheap running shoes. I eventually found them piled in a corner of the Garden Center, next to the relocated displays of cat toys and lingerie. They weren’t renovating, as it turned out. In desperation, someone had moved the items there to make room for the Easter chocolate.
Long gone are the days when Easter candy decision making boiled down to “hollow or solid, bunny or chicken”. While I expected the traditional chocolate bunnies and eggs, I was wholly unprepared for the sheer volume and choice before me.
Take the eggs, for example. They came in dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and white chocolate, There were peanut encrusted, creme-filled, caramel dipped, and brightly colored candy-coated masterpieces that looked for all the world like Ukrainian pysanky, but with tastier shells.
There were foil-covered hummingbird eggs hanging with 365 to the little mesh bag, with labels advertising “A Year Of Easter!” There were post-nuclear apocalypse ostrich hen behemoths that required the assistance of a stock boy to roll to your vehicle.
Others had toys inside. There were “transformer eggs” that certain gifted children could convert into Ninjas ready to be devoured. A few played music and in the electronics department, one could shell out $159.99 for an realistic looking egg with a hidden camera inside – to be doubly sure the nanny is paying all due attention to the children on this most special of family holidays.
I considered venturing into the chocolate bunny department, but I was pressed for time. Instead, my attention was drawn to those newcomers to the Easter tradition.
Alongside the chocolate kittens and basset hound puppies and baby chicks, chocolate vampires stood atride chocolate tombstones while chocolate Viking ships roamed in search of plunder. There was a Creamy White Chocolate Barbie[tm] , a 3-cherry chocolate slot machine, and a chocolate mudder Jeep with raised suspension. The Amazing Hulk, Superman, Britney Spears, Star Jones, Bart Simpson – all were available in chocolate. (Michael Jackson was offered in both dark and white.)
Cadbury and Hersheys had “Special Edition” Easter chocolate bars wrapped in fancy purple paper, with calligraphy and golden foil peeking out the ends that sparkled like the setting sun over choppy water.
It was mesmerizing.
So, imagine my shock when I was told;
“Sorry ma’am, but we don’t have a chocolate ‘Jesus On A Cross’. Try Canadian Tire.”
I had to settle for a chocolate Santa Claus.
(Meanwhile, this can’t be good, either.)
kate; You just didn’t look hard enough. At our local Wal-Mart, I found the chocolate image of the holiest of all Christian icons, Spongebob Squarepants. Hallelujah.
Sigh… the Liberal state apparatus remains in place. It’ll take a loooong time to dismantle it and restore society to normal.
At least Paulie M. was dethroned before he could destroy the federation. And he would’ve.
I can’t believe Wal-Mart, supposedly conservative, was so terrified of the Political Correctness Gestapo that they censored the very man for whom Easter exists. I can visualize the leftist officers of the PCG goose-stepping right past the shocked people greeter…
First no Momo, now no Jesus…
Oh, dear…
And I better get away from the computer… CSI is coming on…
Ahhh… the looong weekend.
Jesus is to be eschewed on Easter?
Yeah, I guess thats what happened on the Via Dolorosa too.
Let Christ come down off that cross and prove himself.
Chocolate Roman Centurion anyone?
Bet you can’t eat just one!
I am surprised they haven’t got a Chocolate “Life of Brian” figurine with the marquee:
“Always look at the bright side of Death”.
and
“Blessed are the cheesemakers.”
Gee, these marketing creeps are a little slow.
Well, our WAL-MART has two concessions to the reason for the season: It sells large votive candles, one with a picture of Jesus and His Sacred Heart exposed and one with Mary and her Immaculate Heart exposed. We have seasonal workers from Mexico here until December; maybe that’s why there’s a nod in the direction of the sacred.
I have just come from a Maundy Thursday service at my church, where I sang the psalm. There are pockets of the remembrance and celebration of Jesus’ death and resurrection in Canada: 20% of us still go to church, temple, or mosque, and a certain percentage of those 20 will be worshipping this weekend.
“this” can’t be good either…
“this” is why I no longer click open any new windows at your site Kate with my mouth full of coffee… did you “stage” this? or are there fotos somewhere of what really happens to santa’s old reindeer?
Chocolate Jesus:
http://mnl_1221.tripod.com/chocolate.html
On a more serious note, I do hope for the fall of the so called “politically correct”, and their madness in marketing…
I wonder if a chocolate Jesus might work at Mass.
Kate,
I did find a chocolate “Empty Tomb” at Wal-Mart, maybe that qualifies.
Actually it is a giant hollow egg, with a gaping hole and teethmarks. But it looks kinda likea tomb.
Row over ‘crucifix’ protest
Posted by Kaslin
On 04/13/2006 6:10:54 PM PDT � 5 replies � 103+ views
News 24,com ^ | April 13, 2006 | unknown
Vienna – A row erupted on Thursday over plans by animal protectionists to symbolically “crucify” three activists with animal masks in a Good Friday protest outside Vienna’s St Stephan’s Cathedral. The militant pro-animal group PETA said the activists would be suspended from crosses with crowns of thorns on their heads. The slogan of the protest action would be “We suffer and die for your sins of nourishment.” PETA said its aim was to catch the attention of consumers who ignored the suffering of animals. Head of Vienna’s central 1st district, conservative People’s Party (VP) politician Ursula Stenzel, condemned the plan…. +
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1614743/posts
Well! Things are in a sorry state when a guy in a red suit and white beard take over your birthday party, and then a chocolate bunny bearing eggs pushes you out of your lynching. Is nothing sacred?
does anybody know where i might find a chocolate lifesised demi moore ?
http://www.peta.org/feat/easter/img/140-hdfys.gif for a piece of what maz2 is talking about. Absolutely despicable.
Excuse me while I call them to give them a piece of my mind.
mmmmmm rabbit.
I wouldn’t make light of the crucifixion.
Richard: Why not? It isn’t like it’s Mohammad or anything.
Cheers,
lance
what do chocolate rabbits have to do with the crucifixion ? or eggs or radios in eggs or …………..
“I had to settle for a chocolate Santa Claus.”
Easter just isn’t the same if you can’t bite off The Saviour’s head. 🙁
why were you looking for Jesus in wal-mart?
‘Cause he might be in the market for new sandals?
“I had to settle for a chocolate Santa Claus.”
Priceless!
The state of religious holidays in this country is regrettable.
I live in Winnipeg which has a large Jewish community. If you were to say anything less than wonderful about Passover, you’ll get your head bitten off. That’s not to say that I have anything bad to say about a Jewish holiday, it’s just that it’s socially acceptable to make Christian holidays less than what they were intended to be about.
Chocolate Angel of Death anyone? No? No takers… I’ll stick to my eggs.
I love the part where Michael Jackson was available in both dark and white chocolate. Oh that is so coooool. I am wondering if the scars were visible on the white chocolate offering?
Sent this off to Mark’s Mailbox two years ago.
I tuned in to CBC’s live broadcast of the Easter Sunrise Celebration from Vancouver’s St Andrew’s Wesley United Church. It began with an aboriginal singing a traditional song of welcome. No doubt to bestow forgiveness, to the assembled, for the sin of appropriating native lands.
CBC’s announcer next introduced his co-host, a lady from our South Asian community. She thanked everyone for her inclusion, even though she was not a member of the faith, and declared that this was not only an Easter celebration but a celebration of multiculturalism. Then she announced (really, I’m not making this up) that it was also a time to celebrate the beginning of the NHL playoffs, letting out a holler of “Go Canucks Go!”
After she touched base with the Wiccan community, by exalting the arrival of Spring, my mind drifted off. I began wondering if CBC would be broadcasting live from a mosque at the next Eid Al-Fitr. Perhaps Noah Richler high fiving the Imam and whooping “Not only is this the end of the Holy Month of Ramadan but also the start of the World Curling Championships!”
Jesus would weep, but not before He would lay a beating on those who turn religion into a means for gain.
Kate,is that one of your SDA’s? Do you have a collection of them?
Just out of curiosity Jack, do you equate “those who turn religion into a means for gain” with organized religion?
Cheers,
lance
The latest roadkill was submitted by a loyal reader.
All exaggeration aside, if you haven’t been in a Wal-Mart in the past week, it really has to be seen to be believed.
Jesus who?
Mammon is the only true god. If enough wanted chocolate Jebus’s then there would be some at Walmart. But sadly people just don’t like the idea of chomping down into the creamy smooth head of Jesus!
All is not lost. Maybe displaced.
Despite all your cynical rantings, Jesus is in Walmart. Wherever there is life in a human being, there is Jesus. All that is required is to say yes. Now in today’s world, there are two major forces that try to kill Jesus and deny his presence in the world:
Leftism
Islam
Funny how they work hand in hand, isn’t it?
Small Dead Crucified Animals?
Kate, your statment of “those newcomers of Easter tradition” could have double meaning.
1. The marketing junk you spoke of,
2. Kids today, what do they learn from all this?
Just like saying “happy holidays” instead of “merry christmas” so we don’t offend anyone, what do kids get from Easter besides rotten teeth?
The ol’ saying of “you don’t realize what you got till you loose it” is coming to pass in North America.
Bush bashers aside, our freedoms are going by the wayside and ironically we don’t care for now, maybe one day…
At least the chocolates weren’t made in China, unlike those cheap runners…
I can’t believe anyone would get upset about not being able to find a chocolate representative of a particular fictive being at a retail store. Oh My the world must be going down the tubes if Kate can’t chow down on chocolate effigy of the alleged Son of God! Must be waht they call a slow news day, and Conservatives are wandering about plaintively looking for a place to direct their righteous fury.
Don’t sweat it, Kate; Nazi Pope is on the job:
“THE Pope will deliver a blistering attack on the �satanic� mores of modern society today, warning against an �inane apologia of evil� that is in danger of destroying humanity.
In a series of Good Friday meditations that he will lead in Rome, the Pope will say that society is in the grip of a kind of �anti-Genesis� described as �a diabolical pride aimed at eliminating the family�. He will pray for society to be cleansed of the �filth� that surrounds it and be restored to purity, freed from �decadent narcissism�.
…
he Pope wrote the meditations himself for last year�s Way of the Cross in Rome. But today�s Catholic prayers, published in Italian this week and in English on the Zenit website yesterday, go further than most in their thorough denunciation of contemporary culture.
At the Third Station of the Cross, where Jesus falls for the first time, Archbishop Comastri has written: �Lord, we have lost our sense of sin. Today a slick campaign of propaganda is spreading an inane apologia of evil, a senseless cult of Satan, a mindless desire for transgression, a dishonest and frivolous freedom, exalting impulsiveness, immorality and selfishness as if they were new heights of sophistication.�
At the Fourth Station, where Jesus is helped by Simon the Cyrene to carry the cross, Pope Benedict and his followers will pray: �Lord Jesus, our affluence is making us less human, our entertainment has become a drug, a source of alienation, and our society�s incessant, tedious message is an invitation to die of selfishness.� ”
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2134140,00.html
Speaking of inane apologia of evil, check out this “Cosmic Ordering” business:
“Bishop attacks TV star over ‘cosmic ordering’
NOEL EDMONDS has come under fire from a senior Anglican bishop for promoting the cult of �cosmic ordering�.
The Bishop of St Davids, the Right Rev Carl Cooper, gives warning in his Easter message against reliance on the latest new-age cult. Referring to comparisons between cosmic ordering and the Christian practice of prayer, the Bishop says that prayer should not be seen as a form of �heavenly shopping trolley�.
…
In his Easter Message, published on the Church in Wales website, Bishop Cooper criticises the cult of writing wishes on a piece of paper and waiting for the Universe to come up with the goods, saying: �This is nonsense. It may be laudable to set goals in life, but we don�t need to dress this up in spiritual language. Intercessory prayer is part of our Christian tradition, however it is not divine room service, nor is it a heavenly shopping trolley.�
…
# Amazon synopsis says The Cosmic Ordering Service is �a guide aimed at helping the reader realise their dreams � just by placing an order with the universe�
# B�rbel Mohr, the author, says the �service� gained her a dream job, the ideal man, money, health and a castle
# Phrases include: �The most loving person is the person who is self-centred�; �The soul speaks to you in feelings�; and �There is no evil! You are perfect, just as you are�
# The manual promises: �Don�t you wish you could just place an order for the life you want? Well you can! And you don�t have to chant, meditate, pray, fast, work or do anything � just relax�
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2133522,00.html
bcl, alx,
Jesus does love you and despite what you say, he is in everyone, inlcuding you.
Do you accept him, or reject him?
Doug, it makes no difference whether you accept or reject an imaginary being. The question of acceptance or rejection does not arise.
BCL: I honestly don’t know if you are serious or trying to be funny. If it is the former, please tell your shrink to up the meds. If it happens to be the latter then I’d prescribe reruns of Monty Python. In any case, it is obvious you are a loser so try to grow up, eh.
The “city” may be big, but the heart is so very small.
Permanent “ignore…”
Hey BCL, just for a giggle sometime why don’t you try your “imaginary being” riff on your new best friends in the illegal Mexican immigrant community. It’ll go over really big!
Or you could try your comrades in the Muslim community, they are sure to be in solidarity.
Texas Canuck,
I am an atheist. I feel that Christians are probably the most dangerous people on the planet. They have taken over your country, and I will not let them do the same up here. To this end, I will mock them to my last breath.
I mean, my God, offended because you can’t find a chocolate Jesus! Please!
Kate, I liked your proposal to censor all the pro-gay comments so as to prevent gay-bashers from becoming all violent. Very safety oriented.
I suggest you extend the censorship protection to atheistic statements on Good Friday. You never know when some crazed, Bible-totin’ fundy might take an “imaginary being” comment the wrong way and rush out to do bad things.
Safety first!
Dear Phantom! Go nuts! Shoot a few holes in your ceiling!
The fool has said in his heart “there is no God”.
– Psalm 14:1 and 53:1
Pretty straight forward for me. Hey if my non-existent God calls you a fool, I’m pretty cool with that.
Ah well, one day we’ll find out who’s right, but wouldn’t it be better to find out now?
Then again, one has to look to find.
Ergo why look? The fool says in his heart “everything’s fine” with me.
Here’s a thought…why does God have to prove Himself anyway? Or why does He have to prove He even exists?
I think the posting about the chocolate looking like a hollow cave is fitting. Jesus isn’t dead, He’s not in the grave, His followers didn’t run off with His body or write a book about how He passing out on the cross and then lived on to marry Mary.
Yes, the fool says there is no God but then again we’re even more foolish to believe the “words of a dead man”.
Ah, I love a paradox, thing is, that Dead Man ain’t dead no more…
cheers
tom
BCL, surely you are in no danger from the pacific, reasonable and ever-so-tolerant Phantom. I take your comments in the spirit they were intended: mindless trollery.
But gee you know, there might be some Christian on the edge out there, just one neuron away from an overload on Good Friday. Such a person could do something terrible if they read your comments.
So I think it best for everyone if Kate just quietly censors anything to do with atheism until the danger passes. If ever.
Really, its the only safe, reasonable and tolerant thing to do.
If BSL thinks he can drive Kate into hiding like he did to poor Andrew Coyne,I think he may in for a surprise.
It’s unfortunate to find myself in a position to defend BCL, the vast majority of his(her) posts are scurrilous garbage intent on provoking. He has done the same today and has managed to enrage the christian element that follows this blog. But for all of you who insist on calling athiests fools, look in the mirror. There is no need for athiests to prove anything, they don’t posit the existence of a supreme being and it can’t be done without a leap of faith that on introspection is absurd.
To BCL, sadly you seem to think that christians are the most dangerous people on earth, I’ve got news for you, islam, christianity, hindu, scientology, shinto, great spirit, environmentalist, socialist, progressive you name it, they’re all dangerous. BCL, you’re just a different kind of zealot.
I am an atheist … I mean, my God,…
The irony here certainly fits in with
I feel that Christians are probably the most dangerous people on the planet.
There is no parody like self-parody.
BigCityLib and a chocolate Jesus.
somehow a suppository comes to mind.
As the saying goes “…the wise are always full of doubts, while fools are so certain…” or something like that. BCL is so CERTAIN he’s right on EVERY topic…he’s either an absolute genius the likes of the world has never seen or he is a fool. I suspect the latter.
IMHO, man cannot prove or disprove anything about the existence of a supreme being. You can point to circumstantial evidence of existence or non-existence or you can believe or not believe…but no one can prove or disprove the unprovable. Therefore, no one can say for certainty…they either believe on faith or not.
Obviously BCL and some others do not believe…that’s fine…it’s their right. Others DO believe…and that’s fine, too…it’s THEIR right. To claim that you KNOW the correct answer on an unprovable issue rings out loud and clear that you are a fool.
To finish with another quote “…the beginning of wisdom is the ability to say ‘I don’t know’…”. Those are words I’m sure BCL has never uttered.
I suppose that when BCL sees a biker and a Christian walking towards him, he runs to hide behind the biker. Christians are the most dangerous people on earth…yeah, right! A person who lives by the command “love thine enemy” is CERTAINLY more dangerous than someone who lives by the command “Kill the Infidels!”.
The society within which you live and which grants you your rights and freedoms was conceived of and created by a judeo-christian culture. You can thank Christians for your current freedoms and ability to refute their beliefs. Even the Charter of Rights acknowledges that.
Christians are as dangerous as sunflowers…close-minded fools like BCL are the REAL dangers in this world. With MY last breath, I choose to fight the FOOLS in this world.
Oops my bad, I said BSL instead of BCL.
I guess I pronounce City more like Sylvester the Puddy cat.
Today one of the CBC’s trivia questions (you know, first to answer wins the coveted CBC coffee mug) “What holiday are Christians celebrating today?”
This is trivia now? How do you grow up in a western nation and not know that it is Easter weekend?