115 Replies to “The Al Gore Poetry Contest”

  1. Sheesh! A spew-inducing article about a spew-inducing book from a spew-inducing individual.
    Spew cubed.
    I actually think the author of that Vanity Fair article is serious. Beggars belief.

  3. OK, here’s my entry:
    There once was a fellow named Gore,
    A sad and insufferable bore.
    He turned carbon offsets
    Into 8-digit assets
    While insisting that you suffer more.

  4. I threw some data in the air,
    How it lands I do not care;
    Global warming! I say to thee,
    And carbon offsets enrich me.

  5. I’m not up to composing a new one today. Can I submit this one from 2007, inspired by a freep editorial cartoon?
    The Ascension of Saint Suzuki
    Patron Saint Suzuki of the Global Warming Fuss
    Harangued the carbon sinners from his diesel pulpit bus.
    From his wingy, island redoubt, all across the land
    He brought the Sacred Message, that carbon must be banned.
    Across the prairie powr’d the bus on its own big carbon wave
    “I sin myself”, the Saint declared, “that you all might be saved.
    And if the message requires that I must sin yet more
    You will buy my carbon credits from my Fellow Saint, Al Gore.”
    But as He did address the crowd, a gentle wind did waft
    Then came a hot air thermal that bore the Saint aloft
    He rose above the treetops, he rose above the hill
    The thermal gust continued and He may be rising still.
    When His words were heard no more and His Body out of sight
    A hand appeared within the clouds and then began to write:
    “By this sign shall ye know the truth, in spite of His loud rants,
    ‘Tis the sun that warms the earth; the carbon just feeds plants.”

  7. A travesty!
    We can’t account for the lack of warming,
    And I’m accustomed to drinking fine wine!
    How will I continue dire warnings?
    It’s simple, just hide the decline.

  8. The planet is warming
    the media is swarming
    it’s off to Copenhagen we go
    Don’t worry about climategate
    or even the criminal scientists fate
    it’s warming because I TELL YOU SO.

  9. “The shepherd cries
    The hour of choosing has arrived
    Here are your tools”
    Shameless huckster
    We already have a shepherd, known as the Good Shepherd.
    Psalm 98:1-4
    1 O sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have gotten him victory.
    2 The LORD has made known his victory, he has revealed his vindication in the sight of the nations.
    3 He has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the victory of our God.
    4 Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!
    AlGoracle can keep his “Glow Ball Warming” hell, there is Christmas to plan and celebrate.
    Gee even a cranky old comedian like George Carlin knows that:
    George Carlin – Saving the Planet
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eScDfYzMEEw
    “And the greatest arrogance of all, SAVING THE PLANET”
    Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body,
    but rather to skid in sideways,
    totally worn out,
    shouting “HOLY sh*t ….what a ride”!!!!!
    Cheers
    Hans-Christian Georg Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
    1st Saint Nicolaas Army
    Army Group “True North”

  10. I am a poet extraordinaire
    my words contain a certain flair
    I love my life
    my words forebode a certain strife
    I am king of truth
    my words belong aside the book of ruth
    I am al gore
    my words shall never bore.

  18. Man doth use the petro flame, but
    Sun and wind are not the same!
    They power honest, fair, and true;
    (Though kilojoules produced are few),
    Our evil fuels we must eschew
    It’s been foretold that all will die,
    And oceans rise, because the sky
    is filled by fruits of our endeavor;
    From our lives we have to sever
    Carbon, or doom earth forever.
    Do not question!! “Yes we can!”;
    Carbon we will forthwith ban,
    Science has outlived its span; for
    Climate change was made by Mann

  20. Harken to me I’m Al Gore
    Compared to all I know more
    Cap and tax for our planet’s health
    That it’s your fault requires no proof
    As to my new green wealth
    Just an inconvienent truth

  21. Al did warn us about warming
    That hurricanes will be storming
    He created the ‘net
    And that he does regret
    As it killed his misinforming

  22. There once was fellow named Gore
    Who spewed CO2 Galore
    “Hair shirts for thee,
    but silk shirts for me.”
    Quoth he as he laughed with a roar.

  25. Do over:
    There once was fellow named Gore
    Who spewed CO2 Galore
    “Hair shirts for thee,
    but silk shirts for me.”
    Quoth he over his private jet’s roar.

  28. The almost President Gore
    Was seen at a hockey stick store
    When the IPCC
    Took a ring from a tree
    And declared that the sea will rise more.

  29. A late limerick:
    Soon after a failed Kyoto
    The warming looked like a no-show
    But the planes will embark
    And fly Gore to Denmark
    Despite the climategate deathblow

  30. I have gleaned this from the Fort Nelson News 12/02/09 written by Mike Phallo.
    An Enviromental Summit
    My horses worked all last winter,
    On their million acts of green,
    And made as good a pile of horse sh!t
    As I have ever seen.
    For a while I thoght I’d name it,
    Mount Suzuki-Campbell-Gore,
    But the horses were offended…
    They wouldn’t go there anymore.
    I’m thinking…
    There is a lesson to be learned,
    As I haul that pile away.
    At least this enviromental summit,
    Will help grow a little hay!

  31. X-Prez Gore
    Gone, but not forgotten.
    Skilled a scam,
    for his heart was rotten.
    Charmed a movie,
    it’s fare was fear.
    But at it’s base,
    it did appear.
    The proxy data and contemporary too,
    was mixed with Mann-made hockey stick glue.
    Though fear encircled a skeptic few,
    and gulls were taken, charmed through and through.
    Jones’ Kool Aid spilled when the whistle blew.

  32. There once was a man from DC
    To whom lying had always come easy.
    Claiming to have invented the net
    And that we should all be in debt
    So he can save the world from the sleazy.

  34. Hahaha, these are all very good! Poetry is something I’m definitely not good at…..but neither is Al Gore, lol!

  35. a little knowledge is a dangerous thing
    drink deep or taste not the Gorian spring
    shallow draughts there intoxicate the brain
    while drinking hugely sobers us again

  36. How Do I Fool Thee
    By Algore Barrel Brown-nose
    How do I fool thee? Let me count the ways.
    I fool thee to the the breadth and height
    My Jetstream can reach, when flying out of sight
    Or the end of Polar bears is how mankind pays.
    I fool thee to the level of everyday’s
    Most desperate con, methane and CO2
    I fool thee freely and raise taxes too
    My hidden need is darkness, no bulb light
    I fool thee freely, for I strive for right
    I fool thee surely as my carbon credits raise.
    I fool thee with a passion and put to use
    My new black limos, and unlike Regan
    Smiles, through of all my lies, and if IPCC choose,
    I shall but fool thee better after Copenhagen.

  37. I’M LATE TO THIS THREAD, BUT I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO
    INDIANA HOMEZ TO THE RESCUE WITH THIS CARBON I SPEW
    I’VE GOT HANDS IN MY POCKET COMING FROM ALL DIRECTIONS
    WHAT’S THAT YOU’VE FOUND, SURELY NOT AN ERECTION
    DISAPPOINTED AS YOU GLOBAL WARMING HOMOS MIGHT BE
    MY A$$ SAYS EXIT ONLY, YOU WON’T BE DOING SEX TO ME
    SEE THAT BULGE IN MY POCKET IS MADE OF CHROME NOT BRASS
    SO YOU WON’T GET OFF, BUT I’LL STILL BUST A CAP IN YOUR ASS
    NO NEED TO FEAR THOUGH, THANK GAWD FOR OBAMA
    WHILE YOU’RE SAVING THE WORLD, I’M Play’nWitYoMomma!

  38. He sees himself as good,green Gore,
    (Related to Vidal)
    To most he’s just a bloated bore,
    (Inspiration to Segal)!
    The Internet he did conceive,
    (It’s true, he told us so)
    Which few of us do here believe,
    His end is near, I trow!
    Okay, okay, what do you expect in 5 minutes.

  39. K. Stricker,
    Right you are! Thanks. I confused my sonnets with limericks. Now I have to figure out what anapestic trimeter and anapestic dimeter means. (I hope I’m correct here).
    Cheers.

  40. His mind was an abyss of darkness on par with those of fleas,
    The room was full of lefties sat there to hear his pleas,
    His home is next to a zinc mine a fact he had to hide
    And the Goracle came lying —
    Lying — lying—
    The Goracle came lying, up to Powerpoint slide.
    O’er the screens he nattered and from whence a tremendous frenzy grew,
    It was all a load of rubbish but being lefties they lacked a clue;
    He told them tales of Greenland which he claimed would soon be ice-free;
    Yet he bought a place in Frisco –
    Frisco – Frisco –
    He bought a place in Frisco,
    Right where the floods would be.
    “Tipper!” he cried like a madman, shrieking her name to the sky,
    “Now Climategate is upon us, the world has woken up to my lie!”
    Mike Mann and Phil Jones in a dangerous game imagined themselves as god,
    So he cancelled his trip to Denmark,
    He would not go to Denmark,
    The last placed he’d be would be Denmark, ‘cause man-made climate change is a fraud.

  41. THE LOVESONG OF J. ALGORE PROOF-ROCK
    Let us go then, you and I
    When the evening is spread out against the sky
    Like a patient waiting for socialized healthcare
    Let us to, through certain gate-protected streets,
    The sanctimonious retreats
    Of restless nights in five-star boutique hotels
    And organic restaurants with wheatgrass gels
    Streets that follow like a tedious argument
    Of insidious statistical intent
    To lead you to the obvious question
    But do not ask, “What is it?”
    Let us go and make our public speaking visit.
    In the room the women come and go
    Talking of Michael Mann’s M.O.

  42. I posted this yesterday at “Moose and Squrriel” but to “save” the planet recycle! 3 Bubba Brown Monday, December 7, 2009, 1:35 pm at 1:35 pm
    The Shepard cries
    The hour of choosing is here
    I’m thinkin’ it’ll be the sheep “crieing” so here goes;
    Big Al came a struttin’
    wearin’ nuttin’
    but a button and a bow
    He was wantin’ mutton
    before the hope-n-hoggen show
    the sheep were aware
    they had seen his gimlet stare
    he didn’t have a prayer
    they had “been online’
    while he was “hidin’ the decline”
    they knew he wasen’t “nobel”
    just another scammer
    lookin’ for a place to jamm ‘er
    what he meant
    when he said the “end was near”
    was suddenly very clear
    what was really risin’
    wasen’t the ocean
    don’cha know

  43. Al Gore crown prince of hot air did slag,
    ‘deniers’ with such flair one could gag.
    His comic appeals,
    set us back on our heels,
    Please deflate this obnoxious gas bag.

  44. (To the theme of “Shaft” by Mr. Isaac Hayes):
    Who’s the pasty public dick
    that’s a sex-machine to all the greenie-pricks
    (Gore!)
    Recycling!
    Who just won the Nobel Prize
    for profiting off a pack of lies?
    (Gore!)
    Can you Carbon Credit?
    Who’s the former Veep who just won’t quit
    although his cred is torn to bits?
    (Gore!)
    Right on!
    They say that pr*ck Gore is one crazy mutha…
    (    Shut your mouth!)
    But I’m talkin’ bout Gore!
    (then we can dig it!)
    It’s very weird he won an Oscar
    and noone understands that but his agent!
    (Al Gore!)
    I’m working on my sonnet, okay?

  47. Heh, Gerry I’m no expert, I just had a horrifying moment imagining how annoying Shakespeare would be if it were written in limerick…;)

  49. Sorry, saw Ursus’ entry and had to write a haiku too, lol =)
    cold prairie deep freeze
    al gore comes to rescue by
    taxing your furnace

  50. I think that I shall never sing
    A song lovely as a tree ring.
    A ring where temperatures we seek
    To lower carbon week by week
    A ring that pleases friends of Gore
    And fudge the numbers from days of yore.
    A ring that’s used to make a stick
    To fool the world with a data trick
    Upon whose bark the snow did cling
    ‘til warming caused this drastic melting
    Songs are written on a staff
    But only Mann can make a graph

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