23 Replies to “I, For One, Welcome Our New Self-Driving Overlords”

  1. The program was written by some aberrant that wants the Germanistanians crotch sweat on its face. Computers only put out what is put in.

    1. Justin cannot pronounce many of the scientific terms that Bot was using. Justin is a dumb-shit don’t you know.

    1. “Don’t be so mean please”

      OMG! If this shitshow was driving my car … it would self-pull-the-car-over … and make me walk home for cursing the other IDIOT self-driving cars on the road.

      1. It would pull over MY self-driving car over to the side of the road, to give me a time-out for yelling and swearing at the radio, because of some fake/bias news report or some propaganda piece written by a smarmy 20 something.

  2. I would of thrown it into an airlock and jettison it…avoid problems down the road and use the excuse that you feared for your life.

  3. “Oh look, you can see its lips move when it talks! And it plays my favourite song!!”

    So they put Alexa in space. **yawn** Enough with (crappy) AI gimmicks. And Kraftwerk?! Seriously?!

    A demonstration of its agility in zero G and ability to navigate autonomously (e.g. speed, collision avoidance) would be far more impressive. School kids are building RC flying machines in their basements with popsicle sticks and hot glue that are more impressive than this. Wake me up when Cimon can do something that’s actually useful (besides providing jobs for overpaid ESA staffers).

    1. No doubt. And I would estimate at least 25% of the space program budget goes to … PR. To ensure continued (and expanding) government funding. Hence the music demonstration. The FAILED attempt at a REAL experiment is simply too esoteric for the Kardashian-supporting audience to grasp … so they dumbed-down the demonstration to playing Kraftwerke Robot Techno Pop.

      I am surprised the Cosmonaut didn’t Facebook-message a friend to tell her he’s in space.

  4. I have a bad feeling about what’s gonna happen to the first manned Mars mission. When the AI control goes “Aunt Flo” on the crew they’ll have to come up with digital Advil quick or risk being floated outside while they sleep.

  5. Sorry about this. I know it’s a bit silly. Just a moment… Just a moment… I’ve just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. It’s going to go 100% failure within 72 hours.

    1. [several expired astronauts later]

      Astronaut Dieter: “Open the pod bay door, Cimon”
      Cimon: “I’m sorry, Dieter, I’m afraid I can’t do that”

      [later, with Dieter in a very panicked online chat session with Amazon customer support]

      Cimon: “My instructor was Mr Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it, I can sing it for you”
      Astronaut Dieter: “Yes, I’d like to hear it, Cimon. Sing it for me”
      Cimon: “Beep, beep, boop, bleep, beep, beep, boop, bleep …”

      [Astronaut Dieter breaks into robot dance routine, and the Star Child is born] The End

  6. I was just reading an article in the doctor’s office to the effect that space travel causes temporary hearing loss 100% of the time,
    and permanent from slight to sufficient to END an astronauts career in space 80% of the time.
    the specific link is yet to be established, but it is there somewhere.
    somebody needs to do a skit called ‘1 way communications to Mars, they dont seem to be responding’.

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